


of open palms and open gates

by myrddinthewizard



Series: how to love a liar [14]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst?, Gen, LEAVE HIM ALONE, Misunderstandings, Morgana is so done, Sadness, brief but it's there, cue some happy moments, druid alliances, gwen and lancelot: the overprotective parents of merlin, i think that's a given by now, merlin and arthur being idiots as usual, mordred's just a child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-24 13:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30072891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrddinthewizard/pseuds/myrddinthewizard
Summary: Merlin watched unshed tears glimmer in Arthur's eyes and his heart nearly broke. “I can’t— you have to understand me, Arthur. Yes, our relationship was not healthy. I know that. But it was never my intention to take control or—”“I know your intentions. I know you want what’s best for me. That’s not the problem. I just don’t want a repeat of before. I need you to trust me. And that means telling me things. Everything that concerns my kingdom. You don’t get to go off and do your own thing and hide in the shadows. That’s done. You come into the light. Let me help. Just let me in. Let me get to know you. I miss you.”Merlin jerked away from the table. “No. No, you don’t get to—”(aka the druids pay a visit)
Relationships: past Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: how to love a liar [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058711
Comments: 27
Kudos: 84





	1. part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Merlin BBC.
> 
> (read series in order)

Lancelot pushed the bowl of stew across the wooden table. “Eat.”

Merlin stifled a groan, twirling the spoon over his fingers. “I’m not hungry.”

“It’s nearly three, Merlin. You’ve slept for over twelve hours. And it was well-needed rest. But you have to eat.”

Merlin scowled. “When did you become my mother?”

“I didn’t see you yesterday after the battle. You usually visit.”

Merlin winced. “I’m sorry. I was with Gwaine and it completely slipped my mind.”

Lancelot nodded. “Yeah. I’m not your one confidant anymore, am I?”

Merlin glanced up, surprised. “Lance—”

“It’s alright. It’s just- we haven’t really hung out and I’d hate to think our friendship was there just because I knew.”

Merlin sat up abruptly. “Oh no. No, it’s not like that. It’s just I’ve been a bit busy and- and you have Gwen and—”

“You have Gwaine?”

Merlin faltered. “I— no. I have myself. I wasn’t avoiding you or anything. It's just that things have been crazy with Morgana and everything and I haven’t had time.”

Lancelot furrowed his eyebrows, watching him carefully. “Of course. Speaking of Morgana, how is she?”

Merlin glanced down, pushing his food around. “She’s a bit shaken from yesterday but she’ll be fine. It’s not the first person she’s killed.”

“And how are you?”

Merlin paused, thinking. “I’m good. I’m actually really good. You know, I’ve always had to hide in the shadows and let others take the credit for everything. And I didn’t mind it but there’s something refreshing about not having to hide. So many knights came up to me, clapping me on the back and thanking me and there’s also Morgana. And it was like for the first time, I wasn’t alone. She was by my side, our magic together. It was exhilarating.”

Lancelot smiles softly. “Yeah?”

“It’s great to fight alongside you but I can match Morgana. I’ve fought her before. And in Camelot, there’s a complete devoid of magic, yeah? But fighting with her was freeing. And it broke my heart to see so many young sorcerers out there, brainwashed by Morgause, but if I could save Morgana. Why can’t I save everyone else?”

“I think you can. Not alone, obviously. But it’s possible. Uniting Albion.”

Merlin’s face fell slightly. “Yeah.”

Lancelot’s eyes flicked up to behind Merlin for a moment before he leaned forward. “Have you talked to him yet?”

“I’m done waiting. You know, maybe I was wrong about him. And I do believe that he’ll come around but I can’t just sit and wait for him.”

Lancelot nodded, leaning back. “Interesting. Looks like he arrived in time.”

Merlin froze. “What?”

Lancelot jerked his head to behind Merlin. Merlin twisted in his seat and found Arthur, awkwardly leaning against the entry door. “Arthur.”

Arthur took a careful step inside. “Sorry. I wasn’t, like, eavesdropping. I just— I wanted to talk to you.”

Merlin turned back to Lancelot, who just grinned. He gave a slight shrug and leaned over to ruffle Merlin’s hair. “Have fun.”

Merlin frowned. “I can’t believe you.”

“He’s been here since we brought up uniting Albion,” Lancelot whispered, rising to his feet. He moved around the table and clapped Arthur on the shoulder. “Don’t screw up, yeah?”

Arthur scowled. “Yeah, thanks, Lance.”

Lancelot studied him for a moment before abruptly leaving. Arthur inched forward, sliding into the now vacant seat across from Merlin. “Hello.”

Merlin just stared back, silent.

Arthur cleared his throat. “Right, so. I didn’t catch you around yesterday. I wanted to thank you.”

Merlin bit down on his lip hard, glancing down.

“So, thank you. For everything. You saved Camelot. Again.”

“I didn’t do it for you.” The words slipped out before Merlin even realized he was talking. But he found it was true. Through everything, he wasn’t thinking of Arthur. He was thinking of Morgana and the thousands of innocent citizens back home. But Arthur barely entered his mind.

Arthur flinched. Hard. “Right. Yeah, that’s— I mean. I’m glad there was someone you did it for. I’m grateful.”

“You show it well,” Merlin muttered, shoving his bowl away. “Is this how you usually thank people? Because it’s pitiful.”

Arthur frowned, opened his mouth, but thought better of it, snapping his mouth shut. After a moment, he spoke. “I didn’t come here to argue, ok? I just— I was thinking about what Morgause was saying yesterday. And she wasn’t completely wrong.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “No. She wasn’t.”

“I made a mistake,” Arthur whispered. “I thought that pushing you away would be the only way I could ever understand but I was wrong. Because I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything about magic or the druids or why our relationship fell apart or why you never trusted me—”

Merlin scoffed. “Don’t rehash this. I thought that I made it clear that it wasn’t about trust.”

“It doesn’t matter what it was about. If you thought for a second that I would choose Uther over you, then clearly you never knew me. But I don’t— I don’t care about that. I told you and Morgana that I was considering a court sorcerer. Apparently, Nimheh was my father’s court sorcerer.” Arthur said, carefully watching Merlin’s expression.

“And?”

“And she was obviously talented and experienced and although Morgana also saved us, I don’t think there are enough people who trust her to be by my side. But they trust you. You somehow managed to capture everyone’s hearts and as far as I know, that hasn’t changed since your dramatic reveal.”

Merlin leaned forward. “Yeah, well. Most of your knights, though appointed by Uther, were rather open to the idea. It seems like most of Camelot is.”

Arthur traced his fingers over the edges of the table. “I trust you. I always have. No matter what. Even if I haven’t really shown it, you must know that. And I need someone I can trust. Someone I hope that I can count on. And you are under no obligation to do this. You’re certainly not going to do it for me. But if you would think about it, I would be most grateful to have you as my court sorcerer.”

Merlin stared at him, his eyes carefully blank. “Why now? It’s been weeks, Arthur. Why are you coming to me now?”

Arthur let out a breath, his eyes fluttering. “It’s— I mean. Look, growing up, I always knew what magic was. On the rare days that my father helped me to bed, he would tuck me in and tell me of the monsters of the world. Of how everyone around me sought to destroy me and I must never trust anyone. And for a long time, I believed it. I’m not excusing my actions. I’m not putting all the blame on him but try to understand.”

“It’s not about—” Merlin let out a shuddered breath.

Arthur forged on. “I believed him because all around me, magic was tearing my life apart. Magic took so many of my fellow knights when I was just a child. Magic killed my mother and magic took my sister from me. And then I thought that magic took my father as well. And it took me so long to understand that it wasn’t magic that killed my father, it was the bitterness and the hatred that consumed him. It wasn’t magic that took my mother, it was my father that killed her. My entire world flipped inside out.”

Merlin nearly interrupted but Arthur’s eyes were hard and pleaded with Merlin to let him speak.

“I always thought of myself as alone. But really, I was surrounded by people. By my father, by his councilors, by even Gaius. I was never able to make my own decisions because every time I did, I was shown that I was incapable of it. No, they all had to hold my hands and guide my life and do everything for me. No one allowed me to grow. And when I found that you, my best friend, my love, were doing the same thing—”

“I’m not your father.” Merlin’s voice shook. “I never tried to make your decisions for you, Arthur. I was only trying to help—”

“That’s what they all say.  _ ‘Oh, you poor thing, let me help you. You don’t have to do it yourself.’  _ I was sick and tired of it. Whether you accept it or not, you had all the power in your hands. You influenced my decisions and made half of them for me. I didn’t know anything of what went on in my kingdom and honestly, I still don’t.”

Merlin swallowed, glancing away. “That was the point of this whole thing, wasn’t it? You push me away and then figure out how to make your own decisions—”

“Yeah. I wanted to prove myself worthy of being king. Prove to the world, to my father, that I was capable of doing something right. And I thought that the best way to do that was to push everyone away. You’re right. You’re not my father. You never will be. And I’m sorry for letting my own fears get in the way of that.”

Merlin watched unshed tears glimmer in his eyes and his heart nearly broke. “I can’t— you have to understand me, Arthur. Yes, our relationship was not healthy. I know that. But it was never my intention to take control or—”

“I know your intentions. I know you want what’s best for me. That’s not the problem. I just don’t want a repeat of before. I need you to trust me. And that means telling me things. Everything that concerns my kingdom. You don’t get to go off and do your own thing and hide in the shadows. That’s done. You come into the light. Let me help.”

“I know—”

“You’ve been alone for so long. And clearly, my reaction didn’t help. Just let me in. Let me get to know you. Get to know each other. I miss you.”

Merlin jerked away from the table. “No. No, you don’t get to—” He turned away, rubbing at his face harshly. “Christ, Arthur. It’s been nearly two months! You told me to move on. You told me to let you go and forget about destiny or some other bullshit and now you’re coming back begging for my help?”

Arthur rose to his feet. “I’m not—”

“My whole life revolved around you. Every single thing that I’ve ever done was for you. And now I’m finally trying to move on and find some other purpose in my life and you come to me and tell me that you’re sorry and you made a mistake? You think that you can tell me to fuck off and but whenever you want, you can call me your love and kiss me and pretend like everything’s okay until you realize that I have no place in your life—”

“What? Merlin—”

“No. I’m not doing this again. You can’t come back for me whenever you want. I’m not some ragdoll for you to use whenever you like. The whole point of this is so that I find my purpose. And my purpose is not you. You’re my destiny and I think that I did my job so just—” Merlin cut off abruptly, furiously wiping his face. “No. You said that you didn’t need me. That you could do it all on your own. So do it. I don’t need you and you certainly don’t need me. Find someone else to be your fucking court sorcerer.”

Arthur stepped back, his face burning. “I told you I was wrong.”

“And you also told me that I had no obligation to accept. You can figure it out yourself. You’re not the only person in my life anymore.”

“Right. You have Gwaine, do you?” Arthur snapped, his voice bitter.

Merlin met his eyes. “Don’t tell me you're jealous?”

“No— that’s not- Look, I can’t do it alone. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m glad that you have other people and that you’ve moved on and found your life. I’m not asking you to change that. I just— I miss you.”

Merlin clenched his jaw, looking away. “I’m not yours to miss. Besides, I don’t think you know me well enough to miss me.”

“I miss my best friend. And I know that he was just a fraction of who you are. And I want to know all of you. I want to understand. These are your people. You told me yourself that you wanted to help. That Morgana wanted to help and this is the best way how. You’re not doing it for me. You’re doing it for yourself and for your people. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Arthur—”

“It’s different. It won’t be like before. You don’t have to hide or lie to me. You make your own decisions and we work together. As equals. As a king and a court sorcerer. No more, no less. Please. I don’t expect an answer right now but at least think about it.”

Merlin’s face crumpled, his anger fading as fast as it arrived. After a moment he replied, his voice soft. “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

“Thank you. That’s all I ask.” Arthur turned to leave when Merlin spoke up again.

“I didn’t trust you. I really didn’t. I underestimated you a lot and tried to do everyone on my own, thinking that I could spare you some of the burdens. It was wrong. I mean, looking back. I thought I was doing what was best for you when really I was doing what was best for myself. But I’m done with that. I’m done with destiny or whatever. And I— I’m sorry too. For everything.”

Arthur glanced back. “It’s okay. We both messed up. But for the record, I don’t blame you. It was easier to do that and pretend like I did the right thing. But you were just trying to stay alive. And though I wish you could’ve found it in you to trust me, I— I just hoped you would’ve told me yourself. Not because I caught you.”

Merlin shrugged. “Yeah, well. We don’t always get what we want.”

Arthur nodded and turned away. “No. We don’t.”

* * *

“I didn’t know that you still took commissions.”

Gwen startled, nearly spilling the melted metal over her arms. She cursed, carefully placing the pot down. “What the fuck, Morgana? You don’t scare someone when they’re handling boiling metal.”

Morgana winced, slipping further into the shop. “I thought you closed down after your father passed away.”

Gwen closed up the pot and pulled off her gloves to face Morgana. “We did. Officially at least. I’m just helping someone out.”

Morgana nodded. “Ahh. Right. So you’re still a maid?”

“Not a personal one. I manage most of the work and help out. Arthur actually promoted me to a chamberlain of sorts so I don’t do any of the dirty work on a regular basis. I do help out but I’m more of a manager and since I’m getting courted by a knight that automatically raised me up in the eyes of the court but— I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this.” Gwen flushed, snapping her mouth shut.

Morgana smiled. “I’m glad. I mean, you deserve more than being just a simple servant.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a simple servant.”

Morgana’s eyes went wide. “Oh, I know. I just meant that— you know, you got promoted and that’s good.”

Gwen tilted her head, brushing away a stray strand of hair. “Right. Did you need anything?”

“Um, no? I just thought I’d drop by. See how you were with the battle and all.”

“Well, I was back at the castle the entire time so I’m fine really.”

Morgana nodded. “Yeah, that’s good.”

Gwen crossed her arms, amused. Thought all her days, she’d never once seen Morgana so timid and awkward. It was refreshing in a way. “And you? I heard that your sister is dead.”

She shrugged. “She wasn’t going to stop. I had to do something.”

Gwen looked down. “Thanks. For saving Camelot.”

“There are innocent people here,” Morgana said. “I’m not that heartless.”

“That’s debatable.”

“Morgana?” Merlin’s voice echoed through the empty shop. He poked his head inside. “Oh, there you are. We need to talk. Hi, Gwen.”

Gwen curled her lips. “Hey, Merls. Did you sleep?”

“Yes. And then I had an excruciating meal with your boyfriend who insisted that I finished the entire bowl. Sometimes I get the feeling that you two adopted me or something. I can take care of myself.”

Gwen frowned. “Are you sure about that? Need I remind you of the time when you actually passed out in the middle of the court because—”

Merlin groaned. “Oh, stop it. I’m fine, Gwen. I was actually wondering if I could borrow Morgana.”

“Don’t ask me. She came here and we’ve had a completely useless conversation for the past two minutes.”

Morgana wrinkled her nose. “Since when were you so mean, Gwen?”

“Since my best friend tried to kill me?” Gwen retorted. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m in the middle of something and everything has probably dried already so I have to melt it again which is really not that entertaining.”

Morgana flinched. “Gwen—”

Merlin slipped her arm around Morgana. “Come on. I’ve got to talk to you. I’ll see you tonight, Gwen?”

Gwen didn’t look up as she carefully balanced the pot over the fire. “Right after sunset. Don’t be late.”

Merlin leaned forward and pecked Gwen’s cheek before dragging Morgana out, yelling back at Gwen. “I’m never late.”

* * *

Morgana leaned forward, cupping her chin in her hands. “Let me get this straight. Arthur came up to you and asked you to be his court sorcerer and you said no?”

“I said I’ll think about it.”

Morgana groaned, falling back onto the grass. “Christ, Merlin. How the two of you even survived all these years is beyond me.”

Merlin frowned. “He has no right. After all this time, he thinks that he can just come asking for me back? And he had the audacity to say that I had the power in this relationship when he’s the one who thinks that he can manipulate it whenever he thinks that he’s ready. It’s stupid.”

“Please tell me that you’re joking.”

“Why would I be joking? If he has the sudden urge to do the right thing that he can do it himself. He’s made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t need me. I’m not going back and doing the same thing again.”

Morgana sat up. “Are you telling me that I went through all the trouble of forcing him to go apologize and you fucking turned him down? Ok look, I could honestly care less about whatever’s going on between you two but I draw the line when it affects the things that I want to do. He’s offering you a position in the court. A position to make actual decisions. Take it.”

“Say that I do take it. That we work together and all of that. What’s stopping things from going back to how it was before? All I’m doing is working for Arthur again and soon that’s all I’m going to be doing and then I’ll be sucked into this unhealthy obsession and—”

Morgana gripped Merlin’s arm, cutting him off. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Why wouldn’t it? It’s the same situation—”

“Yeah, except it’s not. I can name multiple things that are different. One, this is a position on the court, not just some stupid personal manservant position. Two, he knows about your magic and is willing to listen. Three, you’re not going to hide things from him anymore because you have no reason to. There will be no lies or going behind his back or betrayals or any other shit. 

“Number four, you have me. And trust me when I say that I will not hesitate to slap you back into reality if you lose your mind again. Things are different. And this is a chance to help your people. Our people. Arthur admitted to you that he was wrong. You don’t have to forgive him, but come on, Merlin. This isn’t about him. This is about you and what you want.” Morgana leaned over and flicked Merlin in the head.

Merlin just pouted, thumping his head against the tree. “I know.”

“Then what’s wrong? Put your feelings aside. Aren’t you dating Gwaine—?”

“We’re not dating. We never were and we never will so I don’t know where everyone got that idea.”

Morgana shrugged. “Maybe from the fact that he’s madly in love with you?”

“Well, for a relationship to happen— a healthy one— it has to be mutual and equal. It’s not fair to Gwaine.” Merlin muttered.

Morgana grinned and ruffled Merlin’s hair. “Look at you growing up.”

Merlin frowned and pulled back. “That’s rude.”

“No. It’s called character development. Say you did date Gwaine, knowing that things weren’t equal. But Gwaine didn’t know. And you still loved him but you know that it wasn’t real love. And then one day, Gwaine finds out. Would you blame him if he didn’t talk to you for months?”

Merlin scrunched up his face. “That’s a stupid comparison. I did love Arthur.”

Morgana rolled her eyes, rising to her feet. “Yeah, you did. But not as much as he loved you.”

Merlin followed, stumbling to his feet. “I—”

“Don’t deny it.” She said, her eyes twinkling with pity. “You know I’m right or we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“It was never about love.”

Morgana’s lips curled. “Merlin. It’s always about love. Whether it was conscious or not. Now go tell him that you accept. This is your dream. To be in a position where you can actually make a change. Don’t turn it down because you’re scared. Honestly, maybe that old sorcerer was right. Maybe you are my doom. You and Arthur both.”

Merlin frowned. “That’s not funny.”

“No, Merlin.” Morgana chuckled, backing away. “It’s not.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boo. i really wrote this entire thing instead of doing work. it's fine! I'm thriving. and so are they. (no they're not.)
> 
> ok ok lmk what you thought in the comments. next chapter's coming later this week. hopefully before saturday. maybe. actually sunday. sometime this week. you know.


	2. part 2

Merlin pushed open the throne room door and froze when he realized that it was decidedly not empty. And very different from the last time Merlin was here. The large rectangular table was gone and replaced with a round one, ringed with Arthur’s closest knights and even Gwen. And there was one seat empty.

Arthur startled, glancing up. “Merlin?”

“I— sorry. I didn’t think you were in a session right now.”

“That’s alright. You can come in.” Arthur’s eyes were almost hopeful as he gestured for him to close to the doors. 

Merlin’s eyes drifted to Lancelot, who gave a soft smile and then to Gwaine, who was watching Merlin almost curiously. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to Gwaine since their disastrous night after the battle and honestly, Merlin was terrified too.

Gwen crossed her arms. “Come on, Merlin. You look like an idiot just standing there.”

Merlin forced a laugh, moving forward. “Since when did you have a seat at the table.”

“Since it became round. If you haven’t noticed.” Gwen raised an eyebrow.

Merlin’s eyes fell on the seat that was just to the right of Arthur. In the stone, the etched words read _dryllic._ Magic.

“I had it commissioned for you. It took some time but Gwen was able to attach the engravement to the table. It, uh, matches the table at the abandoned castle we stayed at when Camelot was taken over. Some legends say that the ancient kings once ruled there.” Arthur said, his voice soft.

Merlin’s heart clenched as he glanced up at Gwen. “You… that’s what you were doing the other day?”

Gwen’s lips quirked up. “Yeah. It’s made especially for you.”

Merlin looked up at Arthur who was watching him carefully. “I never accepted your offer.”

“I know.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “That’s awfully presumptuous of you. What if poor Gwen did all this work for nothing?”

Arthur hesitated, his voice barely a breath. “Did she?”

Merlin traced his fingers over the tracks, his heart unbearably full. It was everything he wanted. A spot at the table. A voice. And everything in him wanted to accept it. But god was he terrified. Morgana’s words echoed in his mind. _This isn’t about him. This is about you and what you want._

Merlin met Gwaine’s gaze again. Gwaine just smiled, his eyes twinkling. He tilted his head down towards the chair, silently asking. Merlin gripped the back of the chair. “So, court sorcerer. What type of duties comes with that?”

“Magic. I don’t know magic. None of us do. And if I want to bring in magic to Camelot, I need to do it the right way. And you know how. And we could start druid relations and open up the kingdom and I need your help with that.” Arthur said.

Merlin’s lips curled. “So you’re admitting that you were an ignorant, arrogant ass.”

“Wasn’t I always?”

Merlin shot him a dark look and Arthur backed down immediately.

“I was. I admit it. And I’m sorry.” Arthur tilted his head, his eyes sincere.

“What about Morgana?”

Arthur frowned. “What about her?”

“Does she have no place here? She saved Camelot.”

“I didn’t think she would be interested in such court matters. Obviously, she’s a great advisor but she could never stand attending these things.”

Merlin pulled out the chair. “Talk to her. Find out what she wants. Don’t leave her out.”

“I wasn’t planning on it.”

Before Merlin could think better of it, he sat down, pulling closer to the table. “Ok. What are we talking about?”

Arthur leaned forward. “That’s a yes?”

Merlin let out a heavy breath. “Wouldn’t want Gwen’s hard work to go to waste, would we?”

Arthur suddenly broke out into a smile and Merlin had to fight down his reflex to smile back. “You won’t regret it. I promise you.”

Merlin swallowed, praying he wasn’t making a mistake. “I’ll hold you to that.”

* * *

Merlin never liked telepathy. To him, it was invasive. To be someone who lived his life in the shadows, he hated having someone in his head. That subtle feeling that someone could overhear the depths of his mind. Merlin closed his eyes and reached out nonetheless. 

_Mordred._

It took barely a minute before Mordred replied. _Emrys? Is everything alright?_

 _Everything’s fine. You’re at the druid camp that Arthur visited before, right?_ Merlin asked.

_Yes. Is there anything you need?_

Merlin clenched his jaw slightly. _Would Iseldir be open to visiting Camelot? To possibly discuss some sort of alliance?_

Mordred went silent. Then his voice crept back, filled with awe. _Are you serious?_

_We’re starting slow. Just one camp. If it turns out well, then maybe it’ll include everyone but we’re not rushing this._

_I— Yes! Well, I have to ask him but I’m sure that he’ll be open to it. Is Arthur— I mean, are we talking trade routes and such or—?_

Merlin leaned forward, his lips twitching. _Take a breath, Mordred. It’s a start._

_Right. Yeah. Of course. I’ll— I mean, we’ll get to you. Like soon._

_Ok. See you._

Merlin huffed out a breath. Through everything, he’d forgotten how young Mordred really was. He just hoped that he wasn’t getting his hopes up for nothing.

* * *

“This is seriously amazing, Gwen. How did you even do it?”

Gwen smiled, bashful. “Elyan helped with some. I couldn’t engrave it directly onto the table so I did the separate parts back at the shop and then installed it here. I just hope it doesn’t fall off.”

Merlin grinned. “I won’t. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Are you really sure about this?”

Merlin’s smile faltered the slightest bit. “I am. I mean, it’s for my people. I already talked to Mordred and we’ll if we can get something with the druids going. You should’ve heard Mordred's voice. The awe. Like he never would’ve imagined that something like this would happen. And it’s not perfect or the way I always expected it would happen but it’s happening. And this time, I’m not alone.”

Gwen dropped her head on Merlin’s shoulder, exhaling. “No. You’re not. And I’m glad you accepted. Not just because my hard work would go to waste but it’s what you’ve always wanted. And I’m glad that you didn’t let other things get in the way of that.”

“It’s a purely professional relationship. I don’t think I’m ready for it to be anything more.”

“It doesn’t have to be. Also, just so you know. He thinks you’re dating Gwaine.”

Merlin stifled a groan. “Are you serious?”

“I think that’s one of the reasons he finally got over himself. He realized he was losing you.”

Merlin closed his eyes, leaning back into Gwen. “He never had me. And in reality, I never had him.”

“Well, at least you know.”

Merlin snorted. “Yeah. And you know, I’ve come to accept it and it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I don’t know what that says about me or our relationship—”

“It proves that you’re moving on,” Gwen whispered. “I’m proud of you.”

Merlin reached out blindly and interlaced his fingers with Gwen’s. “Yeah? Well, that’s all I need to be happy.”

“Aren’t you two cute?” A voice drawled.

Merlin cracked his eyes open to see Gwaine and Lancelot lingering near the front. Gwaine’s lips were curled up, his eyes twinkling.

Merlin reluctantly pulled away as Gwen shifted. “We try.”

Gwen rolled her eyes and kissed Merlin’s cheek. “I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah. And thank you. Again.”

Gwen smiled. “What are friends for?” And she turned, pushing Lancelot out. “See you, Gwaine.”

Gwaine gave her a mock salute as the couple left.

Merlin leaned back. “Hey.”

Gwaine strolled further inside. “Hi. What’s up?”

“Nothing really. Life’s pretty boring right now.”

Gwaine gave a startled laugh. “Boring. Right.”

“How about you?”

Gwaine settled into Arthur’s chair, unbothered about the fact that it was probably illegal to do that. “I’m alright. I went to the tavern last night. Met this girl.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Mmhm. Blonde. Soft eyes. Her name’s Eira. We found her on a patrol a few weeks ago. Hurt her leg. I hadn’t seen her since then until last night.”

“And? Did you get drunk together?”

Gwaine scoffed. “Please, Merlin. I’m much more sophisticated than that. I’ve actually been sober for the past—” Gwaine paused, counting off his fingers. “Two weeks.”

“Two weeks? Are you serious?” Merlin mock-gasped.

“Oh, shut up. I nearly broke it a few nights ago because we all know the best way to deal with heart-break is getting drunk. A prime example being you.”

“I didn’t get that drunk.”

“You passed out on my bed. All scatter-brained and mumbling about finding a purpose.” An almost fond smile slipped into his expression. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I did. But can I just say that you of all people should know that getting drunk doesn’t solve your problems. It just postpones them.”

Gwaine leaned forward. “Yeah. It does.”

Merlin scrambled to loop the subject back. “So did Eira get drunk?”

“Tipsy. She’s awfully handsy and has absolutely no mouth filter. Light-weight really. Kind of like you.” Gwaine mused.

“I’m happy for you.”

“She’s great and all but I don’t really know her that well.”

Merlin ran his fingers over the table again. “You should get to know her.”

Gwaine looked up at Merlin, his face filled with an emotion that he couldn’t quite place. “Yeah. I will.”

* * *

Arthur groaned and scraped the document, crumpling into a ball. Leon glanced up, raising a disapproving eyebrow. “At this rate, we’re going to run out of parchment by the time the druids arrive.”

Arthur pulled a new sheet and readied his ink. “It has to be perfect. I’m not going to mess this up. They have to feel welcomed and accepted. If I don’t do it right then it’s all for nothing.”

Leon sighed. “Arthur. I hate to break it to you but writing speeches aren’t really your forte.”

“Yeah. That was another thing Merlin always did for me. And it’s high time I learned to do it myself.”

“Maybe. But just because you can’t write speeches, doesn’t mean you can’t say them.” 

Arthur glanced up. “What?”

“Do you remember what you said when you repealed the ban on magic?”

Arthur frowned. “I didn’t write a speech for that.”

“No.” Leon agreed. “You spoke from the heart. You know what you want to say. When you meet them, the words will come naturally. Don’t fret.”

“This isn’t just a small speech for the court members, Leon. If I mess up—”

“You won’t.”

“But—”

Leon leaned over and pulled the pen away. “Arthur. You’re not getting anywhere like this. You can’t force yourself to write speeches. You’re a good king and you know what to do. If you’re that nervous then maybe you should talk to Merlin.”

“Merlin has enough on his plate, Leon. Merlin’s the reason they’re coming in the first place. I’ve already talked to him about it. I can’t say Merlin’s words for this. They have to be mine. And I’m not improvising.”

“Then take a break. You’re running yourself ragged. When was the last time you slept?” Leon asked.

Arthur grabbed his pen back. “I need time to practice this as well so I know everything will go perfectly. I have to finish this tonight so I can practice tomorrow and prepare the castle for the feast. And if they decide to stay overnight then we need to clear out the rooms. We haven’t had neighboring kingdoms over in ages—”

“Arthur. Hey, it’s alright. I’ll take care of the feast. Gwen can manage the rooms and the logistics of that. If they decide to come, they’ll be here the earliest day after tomorrow, yes? Put the stuff down and go to sleep. You can wake up tomorrow with a fresh mind and jot down the major things you want to say and I’ll help you practice tomorrow night, alright?” Leon’s voice went soft. “You have to get some rest. I haven’t ever seen you like this.”

“This can’t go wrong,” Arthur whispered. “So many people’s lives depend on this and there are still so many druids that don’t believe in me. Hell, I don’t even know if Merlin believes in me but if this fails then that’s it. I’ll lose all trust. This is so important to so many people and I don’t know how to even begin to apologize for everything. I’ve been such a child and I’ve pushed everything aside and now I have to stand up and take responsibility and I’m so scared that—”

Leon rose to his feet and pulled Arthur into his arms. Arthur shuddered against him, curling his fingers into his jacket. “Shh. It’s alright. You’re not alone. And even if no one else believes in you, I do. I always have. Since the day you were born. I’ve watched you grow up. You have a good heart. You’ve made mistakes and done things that you can’t take back but you want to make a change and that says more than you know. This is a big deal but you don’t have to be scared. I know that I’m not the person you need right now, but I’m here. I’ve always been here.”

Arthur inhaled shakily, pulling back. “No. You’re exactly the person I need right now. Thank you.”

Leon smiled, carefully brushing away a stray tear. “I’ll call George to clean up around here. Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up bright and early, yeah?”

Arthur nodded, rubbing at his face. “Yeah. Yeah, I should sleep.”

Leon pushed him back. “Go. Don’t worry. Everything will be alright. I’ll make sure of it.”

Arthur gave an almost watery smile. “I’m counting on that. I’m sorry I’ve been so out of it lately. You’re my closest friend. You know I love you right?”

“I know. Sleep, Arthur. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Arthur nodded. “Yeah. Good night.”

* * *

Merlin nearly crashed into Leon in his rush to Arthur’s chambers. Merlin jumped back. “Shit. Sorry.”

“Christ, Merlin. Where’s the fire?”

“Coming tonight.” 

Leon scooped up his papers from the ground. “I’m sorry, what?”

“They’re coming tonight.”

“Who?”

“The druids.”

Leon stared. “No. They’re coming tomorrow. Or later this week.”

Merlin winced. “Yeah, change of plans. They’ll be here by dinner. For dinner, really. And they’re planning on staying for a few days.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m really not. Do you know where Gwen is? And Morgana for that matter. I haven’t seen her.”

Leon snorted. “Wait, I’m sorry. You said they’ll be here when?”

“Sooner if you keep talking. Can you tell Arthur? You were with him, right? He should probably know. They’ll be here before sunset.”

“Oh my fucking gods.” Leon shoved the papers into Merlin’s arms. “Arthur’s already freaking out. You’re telling him.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. I need to go prepare everything because I told Arthur I would take care of it. You go tell him. And make sure he doesn’t panic.”

“Uh, Leon. I don’t think that’s the best idea.” Merlin stammered, trying to give Leon back his papers but Leon only smiled.

“I think it’s a terrific idea. Professional relationship, yeah? This counts. Go.” And Leon bolted, leaving Merlin alone in the corridor.

Merlin cursed Leon for the seventh time that day as he knocked at Arthur’s chambers. He was going to kill Leon.

“Leon? Hey, come on in!” Arthur called.

Merlin carefully cracked the door open. “Not Leon. Merlin.”

Arthur jumped, whirling around. “Merlin? What are you doing?”

Merlin dumped the stuff on Arthur’s bed. “Leon gave it to me. He had some preparations to take care of.”

Arthur frowned. “I thought he was doing that tonight.”

“Yeah, see. That plan has kind of changed.”

“Changed how?”

Merlin backed up slightly. “Yeah, um, they’ll be here for dinner.”

Arthur dropped his arms. “Today’s dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.”

Merlin nodded. “Yeah.”

Arthur dragged a hand down his face. “Leon was supposed to help me with my speech. I barely have half of it done and they’re coming tonight?”

“There’s still time. You don’t have to give your speech tonight.”

“Yes, I do. The speeches are always given before dinner. I can’t give it the next morning! That defeats the purpose.”

Merlin frowned. “Does it really matter that much?”

“Yes. It’s tradition, Merlin. I have to do it right. My father always said that if I did it wrong that’s bad luck for future alliances.”

“And you listen to everything your father says?”

Arthur paused, his entire frame going stiff. “No, I don’t. Welcome speeches are always given before dinner on the day they arrive. This isn’t negotiable.”

Merlin sighed. He leaned over and snatched up one of the papers but before he could read it, Arthur took it back. “I just wanted to look over it.”

“Contrary to popular belief, I can write my own speeches. I don’t need you to peer review or some shit.”

Merlin threw his hands up. “Ok, god. Chill out.”

Leon suddenly stalked into the room. “What did you do? I said don’t freak him out.”

Merlin snorted. “And you sent me to do that?”

Leon rolled his eyes. “I’ll take care of it. Find Morgana and keep her updated.”

Merlin backed away, his eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, ok. Arthur—”

“Go, Merlin. Let us know when they enter the kingdom.” Arthur said, scanning his speech.

“Yeah. And, um, just so you know. Don’t worry about the speech. It’s going to be okay.”

Arthur paused, looking up, his hands curling tightly around the parchment. “You can’t possibly know that.”

“Listen, no one needs you to lose your mind over this. You were born to do this.” Merlin said.

Arthur chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I’m not doing this because I was born to do it. I’m not doing this because you told me to or the gods above decided that I should. I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do.”

Merlin swallowed, looking down. “Yeah, um. I didn’t—”

“Go, Merlin. I’ll see you tonight?”

Merlin backed away, suddenly uncomfortable in his own skin. “Yeah. I’ll— I’ll see you. Bye, Leon.”

And Merlin was gone before Leon could look up.

* * *

Morgana pursed her lips, tracing her fingers over the spine of the book. She flipped it open and smoothed her hand over the worn pages.

“Morgana?”

She turned to find Merlin carefully entering Gaius’ chambers. 

“What are you doing?”

Morgana grabbed a few other books and slid down the narrow stairs. She dropped the book on the table. “Just looking through some stuff. Gaius has a lot more books on the Old Religion than I thought.”

Merlin picked up one of the books. “They’re coming tonight.”

“That’s good.” Morgana returned to the page she was on and started reading.

Merlin sighed and leaned over, snapping the book shut over her fingers. “Are you going to be there?”

“I don’t know, Merlin,” Morgana said, snatching the book back.

“I accepted his offer.”

“Congratulations.”

Merlin frowned. “What are you doing?”

Morgana slammed the book shut, glaring up at Merlin. “I don’t know. What am I doing? You told me that I would get a voice and place here and so far, I’ve done nothing. I’m doing nothing.”

“We’re getting there. I was talking to Arthur about it before. Do you want a place around the table?”

“You really think Arthur’s going to let me?”

“I do,” Merlin said. “Why don’t you talk to him about it?”

Morgana laughed softly. “Arthur doesn’t listen to me. He never did.”

“He’s changed—”

“Are you defending him? After everything, you still won’t leave his side?” Morgana drawled.

“I’m not— Look. All I’m saying is to give him a chance. Like how I gave you one.”

“And I’m overflowing the gratitude, Merlin.” Morgana’s voice dripped with sarcasm. 

Merlin scrunched his face up. “You didn’t answer me. Do you want a place at the table? You can be his advisor or something.”

“His advisor? Please, Merlin. That’s what you are. Do you think he’ll come to me about tax matters and trading grain? Do you think he’ll come to me with magic stuff? He has his court members and his knights and you. He doesn’t need me.”

Merlin stared at her. “What is wrong with you? I thought we were getting somewhere.”

“Well, you thought wrong. I didn’t come here to sit around and do nothing. I came here to make a change. To get justice.”

“That’s what we’re doing.”

“No. That’s what you’re doing. I’m just sitting here like a fool waiting for someone else to do the work. My entire life has been like this. As a child and as Uther’s ward. I’ve done nothing. I’ve never had any actual power. I’m not going back to that.” Morgana shook her head, rising to her feet.

“You don’t have to. You can have power and make a change. But I don’t know what you want. You don’t want to be his advisor or a court member so what? Do you want to be a knight?” Merlin asked, his voice harsh.

Morgana froze. “A knight?”

“Don’t even. If there’s one thing Arthur won’t let you be, it’s a knight.”

Morgana’s lips suddenly curled up. “Well—”

“You do realize that if you become a knight, you’re essentially dedicating your life to Arthur.”

“Please. Have you met his knights? Have you met Gwaine?”

Merlin snorted. “True. But really—”

“I can easily beat Arthur in a fight.”

“Without magic?”

Morgana smirked. “Both ways. But magic would be so much better.”

Merlin leaned back, dimly wondering how Morgana’s mood flipped like a switch. “You can’t seriously be considering this.”

“Come on. I could be the first knight who’s not only a woman but also has magic. It’ll be a breakthrough.”

Merlin laughed. “Yeah, ok.”

“I’m serious.”

“I thought you wanted a change. You think that being a knight will do that?”

“I repeat: It’ll be a breakthrough.”

Merlin suddenly smiled. “You know, I got worried there for a second. I thought you changed your mind.”

“From what? Killing you and everyone you love?”

“Precisely.”

Morgana rolled her eyes and sat back down, pulling the books towards her. After a moment, she spoke up again. “You said druids are coming tonight?”

“For dinner, yes. Are you going to be there?”

Morgana sighed. “I need to talk to Mordred. I’ve kind of been avoiding it.”

“Are you nervous?”

“I’m not nervous. I just didn’t think he was ready.”

Merlin grinned, cupping his chin in his hands. “Ah, ok. I think he’s ready.”

“You know, I never thanked you for saving Mordred. I would’ve ruined his life.” Morgana murmured.

“I don’t need a thank you. He’s so young. I was stupid to let my own fears push him away.”

“You trust him now? Around Arthur?”

“Oh, trust me. Mordred’s going to be on the other side of the table. I don’t trust him that much.” Merlin said, his eyes sparkling.

“Well, then save me a seat. I have some people I need to talk to.”

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows slightly, his eyes unreadable. “Alright. I’m kind of scared, though. You were joking about the whole knight thing, right? Because that’s ridiculous. Also, Mordred did have magic so it’s not that much of a breakthrough.”

Morgana shrugged. “Difference is that no one knew. This time, I plan on everyone knowing. I’m done hiding.”

Merlin met her eyes. “I still can’t tell if you’re joking.”

Morgana smirked, leaning over to ruffle Merlin’s hair. “I don’t joke, Merlin.”

Merlin snorted as Morgana rose to her feet. “The other day you told me that you were planning on moving to Ealdor to live with my mother and start a farm. That sounds like joking to me.”

Morgana gathered the books in her arms and made her way to the door. Her lips tilted up. “I’ll leave it up to you to figure out, yes?”

Merlin started to protest but Morgana had already slipped out, leaving him alone.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjkl ~sometimes i wonder where this story is going and then i remember that i'm the one writing it and i just cry~
> 
> anywayyyyy lmk what you thought. thanks for reading!!


End file.
